


Cheap At The Price

by Roturier



Category: Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler
Genre: Did I miss anyone? - Freeform, Multi, Other, They're probably in there too somewhere, Unny shows why everyone's a little scared of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:32:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6619846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roturier/pseuds/Roturier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would a traffic jam of Kuroshitsuji characters look like? With Undertaker as traffic cop?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheap At The Price

Undertaker's little storefront was bursting at the seams. A string of murders had London stirred up like a dropped hornet's nest and Will Spears, Ronald Knox and Grelle Sutcliff had come to ask Undertaker about it because of some irregularities related to the death lists. Soon after, and only by coincidence, Inspector Fred Abberline, accompanied by two other officers whose beats included the sites of three of the murders, also entered the shop, followed shortly after that by the young earl of Phantomhive with his butler the customary 5 paces behind. In no time they were all wedged into the little storefront, all trying to make themselves heard, all petitioning the ex-death god for some helpful information and all of them talking at once and trying to shout the others down.

Soon Lau, Ran Mao and a couple of Lao's 'girls' also turned up, adding to the confusion and congestion. But that was only because they'd all been on their way back from the shops (where they'd bought candles, paraffin and a sack of Lau's favourite sweeties) when they spotted the crowd through Undertaker's shop window and decided to drop in and be nosy.

Since the former death god insisted he really didn't know anything helpful, but they all seemed reluctant to leave, he giggled and shouted: "You lot don't need me! What _you_ need is a fortune teller!" And with that he grabbed a crystal ball out from under the counter, slung his grey sash over his head like a hood and then proceeded to sit with his back to the crowd, moaning and keening all the while over his 'visions' while he pretended to read the future in his cloudy sphere.

In addition to the chaos created by the retired death god's antics and the sheer number of people in the shop, Grelle was making things infinitely worse by fawning over and pawing at certain people. First, it was his superior William Spears—in fact keeping Grelle off his boss's back was part of why Knox had been brought along. Soon, though Grell left him when the moderately attractive inspector Fred Abberline stepped in the door with his two fellow officers.

The police inspector barely had time to react to being caught, cooed at, groped and then _kissed_ by the peculiar red reaper when the Phantomhive boy and his butler showed up. Grelle promptly squealed like a tea kettle on the boil, deafening everyone, then did a strange little dance and threw himself across the two policemen in order to reach the earl's handsome butler. Michaelis, unfortunately for him, was unable to escape Grelle's assault as he would normally do with his fast footwork, due to the crush of people standing around and behind him. Even worse, the little earl, already annoyed beyond endurance at having to join this ridiculous rabble, ordered Sebastian to simply "put up with it until we're done in here." So Michaelis was stuck with writhing, red armfulls of Suttcliff enthusiastically climbing his frame.

The demon's eyes sparked fire, but he smiled that terrifying little smile of his, full of malice and sharp teeth and neither said nor did any of the violent, messy things he was thinking about.

"Knox, I'm holding _you_ responsible for this fiasco," Spears muttered to the younger reaper who was still standing by his side despite the fact someone had just planted an elbow into one of his kidneys.

" **ME**?! What'd _I_ do?!"

"Nothing, Knox; _that_ is the _point_."

"...oh."

Suddenly Undertaker leaped to his feet, then to the top of the counter and, holding his glowing ball of crystal at arm's length, he intoned in a loud, creepy voice any malignant ghost would've been proud to call his own:

_"GREEEELLE SUTCLIIIIIIIIFF… "_

Sutcliff, hanging like ripe fruit from the neck of the still perfectly dressed butler, spared one hand to wave and cry, "Yoo hoo, over here, darling!"

"YOU WILL SUFFER A VIOLENT DEATH BEFORE THIS DAY CONCLUUUUDES!"

Grelle was barely able to blanch and cry 'whaaa?' before seven other voices, speaking in perfect-pissed-off unison, inquired darkly:

"WILL I BE ACQUITTED?"

Whereon the Undertaker, once he'd stopped howling and rolling on the floor, announced all information would hereby be free of charge to everyone present for the rest of the month.

 


End file.
